This year has been one that I will never forget, and it's not even over yet. I'm learning a lot about myself now that things are more settled down. We have traveled a lot this year, and it's been amazing. We visited San Diego, CA (which has become a favorite for both Kyle and I), Los Angeles, Destin, FL, Louisville, KY, Chicago, ILL, and Nauvoo, ILL. It's been an incredible experience. I have learned that I LOVE to travel. I love seeing new places, especially in this wonderful country that we live in. I love seeing and learning about different cultures. It's wonderful.
We also have had a few struggles this year as well. Kyle recently had his life changing oral surgery, which, to be honest, was one of the scariest things we have ever faced as a couple. When I left Kyle right before the surgery took place, I had this overwhelming feeling of love for him. I would've given anything to trade places with him, so he didn't have to go through it. That is a love that I have never quite felt before. It is a love that can only be developed through time and devotion. I saw strength in him I have never seen, and quite frankly, it made me incredibly proud to be his wife. We never know how strong we are until we face our fears head on. That's what we did, and we are better and stronger as a couple than ever before. The kind of love we have for each other has transformed into something that couldn't be imagined when we said "I do".
I also decided to start going to the doctor in regards to fertility, which has been a whirlwind of emotions. We've been trying for almost 3 years now. It took a lot of courage for me to start going to the doctor. I can't tell you why. Maybe it's because it's admitting that there's something wrong with me. I dragged my feet for the longest time, just hoping and wishing that I wouldn't have to go, and that I would be pregnant. Well, it hasn't happened. It's emotionally painful. It's a trial. I don't wish it upon anyone. Some days are better than others. I haven't ever publicly talked about this before, so bear with me. Some days I don't think about it, some days I have faith and am calm, and some days I just break down. It's been a dream of mine to start a family with the love of my life. There's nothing I want more. It's safe to say Kyle feels the same. Kyle and I never intended to wait this long. We didn't want to have one right away, as I was just 18 when we got married. We always agreed that we would have one when Kyle graduated. Well, here we are, over a year later and still waiting.
Another trial I've had is re-evaluating a close relationship in my life. I've always been an easy to forgive kind of person. I consider that a good thing in most aspects. I tend to put myself in a position of allowing emotional control over me. I've been this way for as long as I can remember. I'm making changes. I'm making sure I do not allow myself to be in that position ever again. I'm doing it through prayer. I'm allowing my Lord and Savior to help mend wounds and learn how to have a forgiving heart and no regrets. It's hard. Especially when some are close to you in your life, and you don't want to cut them out. I don't want to hold a grudge. I've seen what it can do to people. I don't want to be bitter. I don't want to have that light taken away from me. That's giving power to someone else, and that's not the way it should be. Relationships, especially those with family, have always been very important to me, and they will continue to be. But I am making changes through prayer to allow myself to be the best that I can be.
2015 is a year I will never forget.
Katie B.
