The start of this semester was one that I will want to forget, but never will be able to. Driving back from Texas after winter break, Kyle and I had a long conversation about the things to look forward to within the semester and beyond. We talked about making this semester count and to do everything with no regrets. We talked about using the "Utah experience" to the fullest, taking advantage of places like Temple Square, attending a live session of General Conference, hike the beautiful mountains some more, and so on. We talked about where we wanted to be once that diploma was in hand. We talked about how we wanted to be closer to our families, because that is where we are happiest. We started new fitness goals, working out together, about four times a week (schedule permitting). We were not prepared for what the Lord decided to put in our paths.
The first trial was Kyle's mother's health. She had had a bad stroke and we were worried sick, half way attempting to come down to make sure she was alright. We made tentative plans to come back for the semester if things took a bad turn. It was extremely stressful and worrisome. We had received a blessing from Kyle's Home Teaching companion and his home teachee within our ward, of comfort from the Lord. Shortly after that blessing, his Mom had gone to the hospital and was receiving proper treatment and was on a pathway to being healthier and recuperating from her stroke.
The following week, on Kyle's 24th Birthday, my beloved Bumpa (My Grandfather) passed away unexpectedly. He had died of a heart attack while feeding his chickens in his chicken coop. It hit me like a ton of bricks on and off that day. Once I finished the phone calls back and forth between my sisters, cousins, parents, I just sat there. Kyle and I sat in silence for what felt like hours. I was on my way out to go to class, as was Kyle, but we lost all motivation to attend. Bumpa had been a HUGE part of my life, especially here in Utah. Every time he was up here, we would do things together at least once a week. He was one of my heroes. He was one of my best friends. We were there for each other while here in Utah, away from our families, our homes. Every time I think about him, I feel like I grieve for him all over again. It hurts to know he is not here with us, with me, anymore.
Loss is such a heavy burden. It is hard to cope with. It is so hard. It is so hard to deal with the loss of now two of the most important infulential people in my life. My Nana & Bumpa. I know Bumpa is happier where he is at now. He is with the love of his life. His eternal companion, his soul mate.
This is where our faith comes into play. This is where the Lord tests us, he tests us through his plans for others. Through his plan for my Bumpa, his plan for him to come home, we as his loved ones are being tested to remember the Plan of Salvation. We need to remember all that we are taught and be faithful, and take comfort in those teachings of seeing our family again. I have to remind myself that he is happier where he is. I know that he loves us and misses us as well, but he is with my Nana now. He is with her, holding her hand, not leaving her side. He knows the truth now. He knows his faith and works in this life have come to fruition. His test is over. He passed the test. He is on the other side of what the whole purpose of being on this earth is for.
I go in and out of depression. All the words are true, but sticking with me is another story. It is hard to accept all of this. It is so hard for me to accept that he is gone. The man that has taught me the fruitions of physical labor and education and where it can get you. Bumpa was a huge part of my life. He still is. He has taught me so many things. I cry for my children that they will not know him. But then I think to myself, they do know him. They are in heaven, as is my Nana & Bumpa. I believe he knows them well at this point. I believe he is telling them all about Kyle and I. About the kind of people we are. The kind of family he started and was the patriarch for. So at times when I think of that, it comforts me.
Loss is such a heavy burden. But thankfully Christ shares our burdens. I hope the Lord will be with my family and I at this time of harship.
Thank you all
~Katie B.
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