Striving to Improve

Hello all,

I hope you all had a wonderful Sabbath day. It was a nice day, (very rare being June in Texas) and I tried to live it to the fullest. I had several thoughts go through my mind during church today and I'd like to share them with you.

Sacrament meeting was filled with really great talks that made me stop and reflect upon my own faith and what I do daily to improve on my spirituality and imperfections. The first talk was about spiritual self reliance. That has been a trend this month, I feel like. They also talked about it during the April General Conference. What does that mean exactly? I'm still working on fully understanding the meaning of that. 

As mentioned in my previous posts, I had a very trying year (July 2016 - present), and I feel like I had hit my spiritual rock bottom, which was a first for me. Sure, I've had trials, just like everyone else, and we worked through them and learned and grew from our mistakes and moved on. Was I riding off of other's spirituality and testimonies? Was I piggy backing off my husbands faith? My former young women's leaders? I believe I partly was. Don't get me wrong, we're all human. We all stumble and fall when we are in the thick of certain trials that we have never faced. But I feel like I REALLY stumbled.

The woman that spoke today talked about our spiritual grip. Imagine yourself dangling from a rope, or some sort of suspended latter. What happens when we lose our grip? We fall to our death, or become seriously injured. The same goes for our spiritual strength and endurance. We must do all that we can to become as strong as we possibly can so that our grip is long lasting, and able to endure the most monumental of obstacles. We cannot let go. 

But, what happens when we do? Is that the end? Is there no more? No, I don't believe that's the end. That is what the atonement of Jesus Christ is for. Death is not the end. When we fall, we will not die, unless we want too. If we truly want to live (spiritually), we have another chance, as long as our heart can be changed. That's what gives me peace of mind, to be honest, is that I do believe I have a mold-able heart. Being apart of a religion my entire life that is not just involved on Sundays, but everyday, has allowed myself to feel regret when I screw up. And trust me, I screw up a lot. But that doesn't mean I'm damned to hell when I screw up. And for that, I have no words. Just immense gratitude. It gives me this sense of hope that I can be better, and that I WILL be better. 

Today I had this odd feeling come over me towards the end of the first hour ( The LDS church is 3 hours long, separated into 3 - 1 hour segments). I had this feeling come over me that I desperately needed to improve, and I loved feeling that way. I love knowing that there are things I need to work on. That's how the talks that were given today made me feel. It made me feel like there is hope to improve, and I've been given the tools to do so. So now, all I need to do is actually do it. I love how church does that to me. It checks me. It makes me feel remorseful for whatever wrong doings that I've done during the week. It gives me a standard to compare myself too. It sets the bar higher for myself. Sometimes, I tend to lower it throughout the week, when things get tough, or I neglect my duties. 

I don't do the small things. That's one of my biggest things I want to work on. I don't read my scriptures every day like I should. I don't say my prayers everyday like I know I need too. But I know I can improve. No matter how many times I fall, I will always get back up. It's not falling that defines me, it's how many times I get back up is what I want to known for. Some people will just talk about your falls, because they like seeing others down. But what you don't realize while you're down, is that those that enjoy your conflict are already on the ground with you, except they've been there for a lot longer than you have. 

We can't be mad at those people. Grudges can destroy your soul. It can destroy your spirit. I've seen it too many times in my life where people hold grudges over really stupid things. I have also seen people hold grudges that make sense. But it hurts us more than the person we're grudging against. I have to remind myself of that. Luckily, one of my few good qualities is that I am not grudge holding person. I forgive easily, sometimes to my detriment. 

Basically, to sum it all up, I need to improve and I look forward to it. I look forward at working to be better. Just like my physical journey of improvement, I need to chip away at it spiritually. 

Until next time,

With Love,

~Katie B.