People Come And Go

Hello all, I hope you had a fun and safe New Years! I have had a few thoughts on my mind lately, and I wanted to share. 

My first thought I want to discuss, is why people come into our lives. This New Years, I really reflected on the past four years of my marriage. My anniversary is January 8th, so the two go hand in hand. I thought to myself what I wanted to work on. I wanted to make amends with anyone I may have offended, or cut out of my life, or vice versa. I began to think and wonder about who those people may be.  

I thought. 

And I thought.

Then it came to me. I'm really not the kind of person to cut people out of my life. I'm not a vindictive person. I don't usually hold grudges. I have had a few people in my life, that have cut ME out. It tears me apart. I hate it. There are friendships going back to my high school years, that I tried to make amends but they didn't reciprocate. That is always difficult for me. It is always a hard lesson to learn. There are a few more friendships that had the same result after high school, and into college. I begin to criticize myself. Telling myself I should have done this or that. It eats at me. But then something happens. The Holy Ghost weighs in on the situation.

I then remember that God has a path for me. He has trials He wants me to go through and experience. He puts people in our lives for a reason. The timing is unknown. They could be in our lives anywhere between 5 minutes, or the rest of our mortal existence. We don't know. But I do know this. I value all the relationships that I have. I don't let go easily. Each person in my life has at least a page in my story. People and the experiences they bring with them molds us and helps us become who we are today. 

I am sad that certain people are no longer in my life, for one reason or another. But with that being said, I welcome anyone into my life that can help me become more Christ like. I have many things I struggle with, but forgiveness and holding grudges are thankfully something I have been able to do easily. Almost too easily sometimes. 

I want to thank you for being in my life. One encounter or many, I am thankful for it. I love getting to know people. I love hearing your stories, your experiences. I don't usually delete people (via facebook) because I do truly enjoy reading posts and seeing how everyone is doing. It's like constantly reading books, except we are getting new chapters as soon as they come. It's great. 

I've learned, thanks to prayers and the Holy Ghost, that I am not going to worry about who isn't in my life and why they aren't. I am going to say thank you for being apart of it, and move on. I look forward to seeing who else is going to add to my experiences. 

God Bless.

Katie B

Goodbye 2014

Hello everyone!

It has been way too long since I've posted anything. I've wanted to several times, but once I started typing, I felt that I had nothing to say. I don't want to just spout out words and hope someone will come across them. I want my post to have thoughtful, heartfelt meaning. I hope that my thoughts or experiences will help one person that may be going through the same thing. That is how I measure success. 

2015. I can't even believe it's here already. I know this is a cliche, but where did all the time go? 2014 was an interesting year. I remember this time last year, I was sitting down with Kyle, talking about how this year was the year for everything to come to fruition! Kyle was set to graduate, I had just obtained my Associates Degree, everything was at our finger tips.

Within that same month, I received a horrible phone call. It was January 29th, a cloudy, dreary day. It was my husbands birthday, and I was planning a small surprise party with our close friends. I was at the store, gathering balloons, streamers, soda, and so on. My sister Sarah called me saying, "Bumpa collapsed, that's all I know. He's on his way to the hospital." I was worried, but death didn't cross my mind. I stood there in the store, staring at space for at least a few minutes. It wasn't until someone asked me if I was alright, until I realized what I was doing. I continued on with my shopping. I got home, and my older sister Ali called me. Crying she asked, "Are you ok? I can't believe he's gone." Confused, I told her he wasn't gone, and that he just collapsed. "That doesn't mean he's dead, calm down." I said, a little frustrated by the confusion I was having. "He's not dead? Dad told me he had died! Let me call you back!" She hung up. Kyle and I were getting ready for school, and I informed him what was going on. "He's in the hospital, I'm sure he'll be fine" I said. My phone rang again. This time, it was my Dad. He broke the news. 

After all the phone tagging between my cousins, sisters, and parents, Kyle and I just sat in silence. Silent tears were shed.  Bumpa was a man I deeply loved. His loss is still with me, and will be until I see him again. He was one of my best friends. I miss my Grandfather deeply. 

With this tragic loss, we trudged through the semester. It was one of the most difficult things I had ever done. I was taking tough classes, as was Kyle. We had to return to Fort Worth (after the funeral) for even more family emergencies. It was fitting, almost poetic, that all these trials happened within the last semester we were to spend in Utah.

When Kyle's graduation day came, it was a long day coming. He was so sick, he had to be taken to the hospital. I don't know how he got through commencement, the ceremonies, our party that we threw, it was insane. Moving was awful. He was still very sick, I had a ton of things to do and move, and it was all on my shoulders. I'm very grateful for my sisters that stuck around and helped me move. I literally could not have done it without them.

The light begun to shine. Within a month of being back in Texas, Kyle landed a job. Not a career job, but a job with great benefits and one that can pay the bills. We are very blessed. We have a beautiful 3 bedroom house, and Kyle will start his MPA this year! I am continuing my education with BYU online in Web and Graphic Design. 

I don't know what this year has in store. To tell you the truth, I'm a little nervous what it does have in store for me. But I will do my best to be ready for it all. I always tell myself, 'Everything happens for a reason'. That gives me peace and comfort when I'm worried about choices I have made, or what the future holds. I know the Lord has great things in store for Kyle and I. As long as we allow him to guide the ship, we will never be lost. That is extremely comforting to me. Knowing that I will never be lost. I have a compass in my pocket that will always protect me. I just have to remember that it is there when I do feel lost. 

I hope you all have a great year this year. Even with losses, with pain, and sorrow, joy always follows. 

God bless & Happy New Years!

Katie B 

The Lord wants me in Houston, so here I am!

Summer is on the later half, can you believe it?! I know I can't! It seems like yesterday I was on my way home from class in Provo! So much has happened in a matter of months, it'll make your head spin!

Within a month of moving back home to Fort Worth, Texas, my husband was offered a job at Bush Intercontinental Airport working for Avis Budget Group as an Operations Manager. He accepted and started immediately. We've been in our 3 bed 2 bath rental home for a little over a month now, and I still can't believe it. Just a few short months ago, we were scrapping every single penny that came to us, and now, we're able to live a little more comfortably. I give all my thanks to the Lord.

Every time I sit and reflect on how we got here, I can't help but feel unworthy. I think to myself, "What did I do to deserve such bountiful blessings, my prayers answered within a month of graduation?" I think of all the college graduates, taking them several months, even over a year to find a job that will not only support them, but pay off their student loans as well. Then I stop myself from these thoughts, and reflect on the struggles within the past 3 and a half years of our married-college life. The moving around, a new job every semester due to drastic changes in schedules, the family deaths, acts of service, eating hamburger helper almost EVERY NIGHT we ate in. Needless to say, I no longer have the desire to eat Hamburger Helper.

Something that Kyle and I have tried to really improve at while living here in Houston, is our daily scripture study and our weekly attendance to church. I'm sure most couples struggle with consistency, especially in the religious departments. It's so easy to brush it off. When I was having those thoughts of feeling unworthy of the blessings, I was thinking of ways that I could improve my devotion to the Lord. I wanted to show Him that I was grateful and receptive of the blessings he put in my life. Scriptures immediately popped into my head. Kyle and I have only missed a few nights of reading our scriptures together since we've moved to Houston. It's our way as a couple to show our dedication to the Lord and His gospel not only to our Savior, but to each other.

I find myself going to church consistently and regularly. Something I have always struggled with. Although this ward I am in is very different from the ward I attended in Provo, Utah, I look forward to the challenge of its diversity. I look forward to learning from the wisdom and experience of the ward members here in Houston.

I am a much happier person when I leave my life up to the Lord. I am at peace with where I am, who I am, and what the future brings me. I have a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and His plan of happiness. The Lord wants us to talk to him through prayer and through our daily thoughts. He wants us to pray in rain and in shine. Where ever I am in this life, I want to leave my mark. A mark of service, a mark the Lord would want me to leave.

My goal other than raising a family, is to leave behind a legacy. A legacy of service, and being of good nature. I hope my actions in the past, present and future cultivate these very same thoughts. Thoughts of service. I pray daily for the Lord to use me in the work of His gospel. I fall short many times. Too many times. But through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and his tender mercy, I walk tall.

Until next time readers, may God be with you!

~Katie B

What Marriage Means To Me

My husband and I went on a date last night. It was nothing extravagant, just going to a hole in the wall type Mexican restaurant and a movie afterwards. It was the feelings that came from it that made the night unforgettable. As we were driving to the restaurant, we were singing along to songs together (Sweet Home Alabama by Lynard Skynyrd to be exact) and holding each others hand, just enjoying being together. As we park, Kyle says, "Wait here". I was confused, but curious to see what he meant. He comes around to my side and opens the passenger door. I couldn't help but smile. 

We never run out of things to talk about. That's the beauty of being married to your best friend, is that there is always something to say, always something to talk about. 

When we walked into the theater, we never let go of each others hand. When we got to our seats, our hands were locked. Inseparable. 

When people announce they are getting married, they'll receive advice such as "Marriage is hard" or "It'll be the hardest thing you'll ever do",  You'll hear derogatory phrases towards it such as "The 7 year itch" which refers to being bored with the same partner or the lifestyle itself. Or the "Old ball and chain" and so on. 

When people say marriage is hard, don't they really mean life in general? Life is hard. Period. I don't believe marriage was designed to add onto the stress or the hardship of life. I think it is designed to make lives easier. Crazy, I know, but I believe it to be true. God's plan is a perfect plan. He has a plan for all of us on a collective level, but also on an individual level. Marriage is a plan for all of us. He wants all His children to be happy in this life which is our trial, our test to prove ourselves worthy to live with our Lord and Savior again. 

God only provides us things that will make us happy, including trials. Would you rather struggle alone, or with a spouse that knows and understands you? Marriage provides that comfort, it brings about wisdom and strength. Marriage has taught me to be selfless and to learn what love truly is. When you hear the words "Marriage is hard", I would reply, Life is hard, marriage makes life worth living. Life wouldn't be worth living without the people you love. 

I know not all marriages pan out. But those that don't can help you learn what to look for in the kind of marriage that does pan out. We are shaped not only by our successes, but also our trials. I was reflecting on my own marriage last night, with everything and everywhere my husband and I have been, I could only remember the good. I could only remember the joys that we have experienced. I reflected on the blessings the Lord has brought Kyle and I BECAUSE of our trials. I couldn't help but be grateful for them, as crazy as that sounds. I was thanking God for the trials, because without them, we wouldn't be here. We wouldn't be in Houston, Kyle wouldn't have a great job right after he graduated college. Because we endure together, we rejoice together. 

What does marriage mean to me? It is the meaning of my existence. I thank God for his beautiful and perfect plan of marriage. I thank the Lord for allowing me to marry my soul mate, my best friend, and eternal companion. 

23 Things to do INSTEAD of getting married young? I'll pass.

In December 2013, a woman named Vanessa Elizabeth wrote a list of things to do instead of getting engaged at or before the age of 23. As thought provoking as this list may be, I have a slight problem with it. It is one of the most unintelligent, ignorant and self centered lists I have ever come across. Let's break this down. 

Here is the link to the original article. 

http://wanderonwards.com/2013/12/30/23-things-to-do-instead-of-getting-engaged-before-youre-23/

A little background on me before I start. I've been married for 3 1/2 years now, and I'm not even 22. 

"1. Get a passport"

Get a passport? So if you get married BEFORE the age of 23, you are forbidden to purchase a passport? 

"2. Find your thing."

What if someone's thing is to find love, get married, and continue living their life with their spouse by their side?

"3. Make out with a stranger"

That's just nasty. I'd rather be with a man who I know loves me. One that will be there when I wake up every morning. Again and again. Who honestly wants to swap fluids with someone they don't even know or may never want to know? 

"4. Adopt a pet"

Already did. My husband and I named her Daisy. 

"5. Start a band."

Just not my "thing".

"6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too."

I've made plenty of cakes. Some for my hubby's birthday, others for Valentines Day. Guess what. I get to eat it too. 

"7. Get a tattoo. It's more permanent than marriage."

The marriage I believe in lasts for time and all eternity. I think that is a little more permanent than a tattoo. 

"8. Explore a new religion. "

I like the religion I'm in now, thanks.

"9. Start a small business."

Can I not do that with my husband? Do you have to be single to start a business? 

"10. Cut your hair."

I got my haircut last week, actually.

11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face. 

Date two different people, and wait for it to blow up in your face? So, in other words, have the guys (or girls) find out that your dating another person without them knowing? Until it blows up in your face? That's called being a whore, and there are plenty of those around. So I'll pass.

"12. Build something with your hands."

Again, you can do this single or married. 

"13. Accomplish a Pinterest Project. "

I have accomplished a few, all while being married. It's a miracle!

"14. Join the Peach Corps."

What if that's not my "thing"?

"15. Disappoint your parents"

I don't want to disappoint my parents. I don't think any self respecting person wants to do that. 

"16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again. "

Still don't get it.

17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting. 

I'd prefer not too. And if one wanted too, they can do it married or single. I don't think Nutella is prejudice towards your relationship status. 

"18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public"

I think my hubby and I can do that together. Wouldn't want to look like a fool doing that all by myself. 

"19. Sign up for Crossfit"

I have gym membership. So i'm good. Besides, I know couples who do that together. 

"20. Hangout naked in front of a window."

Ew. No. Married or single, no thank you.

"21. Write your feelings down in a blog"

I already am. This one suits me just fine. 

"22. Be selfish."

Who wants to be known as selfish? I mean, seriously?

"23. Come with me to the Phillippines for Chinese New Year. "

No thanks. If you're going to just hang out naked in front of window, make out with random people, and Lord only knows what else, I prefer not.

Now, I know getting married young isn't for everyone and I don't expect it to be. But to make a list, thinking these things are better for people to do, then to choose to join lives with another is just ignorant. Let people make their own choices, whether it be to stay single, marry young or old or whatever else they choose to do with the life God has given them. Don't put those who choose to marry young down. I promise you, we're not missing out as much as society likes for us to think. Quite the opposite actually.

~Katie B. 

Let's talk about Dale Hansen

It's interesting that my home town (DFW, Texas) local newscaster Dale Hansen is trending. I saw it on my news feed, and immediatly I was intrigued. 

He ripped into the media and the NFL for silently ostracizing "openly gay" Micheal Sam. 

"...Michael Sam, the SEC defensive player of the year, and expected to be a 3rd to 5th round pick in the NFL draft tells the world he's gay." Stop right there Dale. Let's chat.

Why does he have to announce it to the world? Why? Why does he have open it up exclusively on an interview and make a huge scene about it? I mean, what do you expect these men to think? They are not allowed to be uncomfortable taking a shower with a man who is sexually attracted to other men? They are not allowed to be uncomfortable when they are smashing bodies together during practice? I mean, seriously. Is it your first reaction when having an interview to tell them your sexual orientation? No. I don't think so. What is the need for that? Is he announcing it as a warning? "Hey guys, watch out! I'm gay!" Or is he saying because he wants everyone to shut up and accept him. It is propaganda. Period. Does your sexual orientation define you that much to the point that you have to announce it via national television? I just don't understand. 

With that being said, Dale made a lot of very good points. "You beat a woman, and drag her down a flight of stairs pulling her hair out by the roots, you're the fourth guy taken in the NFL draft. You kill people while driving drunk, that guys welcome. Players caught in hotel rooms with illegal drugs and prostitutes we know they're welcome. Players accused of rape and payed the woman to go away. You lie to police trying to cover up a murder, we're comfortable with that. You love another man, well now you've gone to far." 

Very well said Dale, you definitely put the hypocrisy that is the NFL in their place. It gives people something to think about for sure. It gives me something to think about. Very true. I just don't understand, why your ways of life, regardless of what they are, need to be broadcasted to the world. Anything involving the media is propaganda, which ever way it is aimed, right or left, it is a form of propaganda. I'm not buying it. But his words spark a good debate. He makes excellent points, and for that, I applaud him. 

~Katie B.

Loss is a burden to bear.

The start of this semester was one that I will want to forget, but never will be able to. Driving back from Texas after winter break, Kyle and I had a long conversation about the things to look forward to within the semester and beyond. We talked about making this semester count and to do everything with no regrets. We talked about using the "Utah experience" to the fullest, taking advantage of places like Temple Square, attending a live session of General Conference, hike the beautiful mountains some more, and so on. We talked about where we wanted to be once that diploma was in hand. We talked about how we wanted to be closer to our families, because that is where we are happiest. We started new fitness goals, working out together, about four times a week (schedule permitting). We were not prepared for what the Lord decided to put in our paths. 

The first trial was Kyle's mother's health. She had had a bad stroke and we were worried sick, half way attempting to come down to make sure she was alright. We made tentative plans to come back for the semester if things took a bad turn. It was extremely stressful and worrisome. We had received a blessing from Kyle's Home Teaching companion and his home teachee within our ward, of comfort from the Lord. Shortly after that blessing, his Mom had gone to the hospital and was receiving proper treatment and was on a pathway to being healthier and recuperating from her stroke. 

The following week, on Kyle's 24th Birthday, my beloved Bumpa (My Grandfather) passed away unexpectedly. He had died of a heart attack while feeding his chickens in his chicken coop. It hit me like a ton of bricks on and off that day. Once I finished the phone calls back and forth between my sisters, cousins, parents, I just sat there. Kyle and I sat in silence for what felt like hours. I was on my way out to go to class, as was Kyle, but we lost all motivation to attend. Bumpa had been a HUGE part of my life, especially here in Utah. Every time he was up here, we would do things together at least once a week. He was one of my heroes. He was one of my best friends. We were there for each other while here in Utah, away from our families, our homes. Every time I think about him, I feel like I grieve for him all over again. It hurts to know he is not here with us, with  me, anymore. 

Loss is such a heavy burden. It is hard to cope with. It is so hard. It is so hard to deal with the loss of now two of the most important infulential people in my life. My Nana & Bumpa. I know Bumpa is happier where he is at now. He is with the love of his life. His eternal companion, his soul mate. 

This is where our faith comes into play. This is where the Lord tests us, he tests us through his plans for others. Through his plan for my Bumpa, his plan for him to come home, we as his loved ones are being tested to remember the Plan of Salvation. We need to remember all that we are taught and be faithful, and take comfort in those teachings of seeing our family again. I have to remind myself that he is happier where he is. I know that he loves us and misses us as well, but he is with my Nana now. He is with her, holding her hand, not leaving her side. He knows the truth now. He knows his faith and works in this life have come to fruition. His test is over. He passed the test. He is on the other side of what the whole purpose of being on this earth is for. 

I go in and out of depression. All the words are true, but sticking with me is another story. It is hard to accept all of this. It is so hard for me to accept that he is gone. The man that has taught me the fruitions of physical labor and education and where it can get you. Bumpa was a huge part of my life. He still is. He has taught me so many things. I cry for my children that they will not know him. But then I think to myself, they do know him. They are in heaven, as is my Nana & Bumpa. I believe he knows them well at this point. I believe he is telling them all about Kyle and I. About the kind of people we are. The kind of family he started and was the patriarch for. So at times when I think of that, it comforts me. 

Loss is such a heavy burden. But thankfully Christ shares our burdens. I hope the Lord will be with my family and I at this time of harship.

Thank you all

~Katie B.